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Thursday, November 10, 2005

Evil babies

Oh yeah, one last closing thought...

Do you know what's been running through my mind all day? When I was really young, there was this video that I enjoyed immensely. It was 50 of the greatest cartoons by Warner Brothers, Inc. These were a lot of the great classics: Bug, Daffy, Porky, etc. in classic form.

By no means is Porky my favorite character, but for some reason, there was one cartoon of his that, although I liked it, it was really wierd. The theme of it was that everyone had a specific responsibility in World War II. (I think it was used as a kind of recruiting cartoon, as well as an answer to every child's question: "Why did Daddy have to go away? Why is he fighting people he doesn't know? Why do these people want to kill him?" etc.) While some were out fighting, the rest had to fulfill their duties to our great country to support her troops -- unlike today's unpatriotic citizens who wouldn't defend America if every country in the world was against her, but would instead berate her with the rest of the world. Darn Commies and liberals.

Anyway. Porky was hired to be a babysitter, because the child's father was out fighting, and the mother was working in a local factory. (A sad fact, but anyway...) The mother gave him a book called, "Psychology of Children", or something like that, and told him to use it if junior starts misbehaving. She then left in a hurry before Porky had time to do little aside from stutter. Anyway, the plot thinkens. The child proves to be almost pure evil. The book isn't helping at all. Reverse psychology fails, punishment fails, everything the book recommends fails. In the end, the mother comes back, sees her house a complete mess and asks Porky if he had used the book. Porky, running for his life, screams that he had, but it didn't work. Stop right there. Imagine, for a second those kinds of sleepers that don't have individual feet but instead act like a pillowcase for the lower half, and imagine, also a large baby bonnet on top of a very mean-faced baby. Now imagine that, but running, Road-Runner style, fiendishly wielding a large, gleaming buther's cleaver. OK, allow the picture to resume. The mother tells Porky that he wasn't using it right. She then grabs the kid, plops him over her knee, and spanks him with the book, telling Porky that he wasn't using it right.

Now that that LONG introduction is out of the way, the scene that has been running through my mind all day is this: somehow or another, Porky finally manages to one-up the evil brat towards the end of the sketch. When he does so, the baby is somehow in his baby carriage, wearing a pot for a helmet, but the bonnet frill is standing up in front of the pot. Using cartoon physics, he pops upright in the carriage, and yells, "Of course, you know, this means war!" He pops a cigar into his mouth, lifts his right hand up giving the "V for Victory" or the peace sign, and growls through his cigar, which is clenched firmly in his teeth, "We will fight until Hitler and his evil Nazi gangsters suffer complete, abject and utter defeat." (It's close enough. I forget the exact words, but that's very close.) After that, he pulls a cleaver out of the carriage -- what it's doing in there, I have no idea -- and gives chase. It is that picture of the baby imitating Churchill and saying that line that has been running through my head all day.

Yeah, so...

Just thought you'd like to know more about who you're dealing with, and I'd like to ask one question of you, now that I have your attention:

Why are you still reading this?
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