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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

St. Mary of Egypt

At Holy Transfiguration today, they celebrated the feast of St. Mary of Egypt. This entire reading was read during the Liturgy. I very highly recommend reading it all, as it is simply an amazing read. However, it is very long, so if you can't, that's OK, too.

Oh, and if you click on the title of this link, you'll get directed to the place where I got this story from. It also includes icons to assist in the telling of the story.

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"It is good to hide the secret of a king, but it is glorious to reveal and preach the works of God" (Tobit 12.7) So said the Archangel Raphael to Tobit when he performed the wonderful healing of his blindness. Actually, not to keep the secret of a king is perilous and a terrible risk, but to be silent about the works of God is a great loss for the soul. And I (says St. Sophronius), in writing the life of St. Mary of Egypt, am afraid to hide the works of God by silence. Remembering the misfortune threatened to the servant who hid his God-given talent in the earth (Matt 25.18-25), I am bound to pass on the holy account that has reached me. And let no one think (continues St. Sophronius) that I have had the audacity to write untruth or doubt this great marvel --may I never lie about holy things! If there do happen to be people who, after reading this record, do not believe it, may the Lord have mercy on them because, reflecting on the weakness of human nature, they consider impossible these wonderful things accomplished by holy people. But now we must begin to tell this most amazing story, which has taken place in our generation.

There was a certain elder in one of the monasteries of Palestine, a priest of the holy life and speech, who from childhood had been brought up in monastic ways and customs. This elder's name was Zosimas. He had been through the whole course of the ascetic life and in everything he adhered to the rule once given to him by his tutors as regard spiritual labours. he had also added a good deal himself whilst labouring to subject his flesh to the will of the spirit. And he had not failed in his aim. He was so renowned for his spiritual life that many came to him from neighboring monasteries and some even from afar. While doing all this, he never ceased to study the Divine Scriptures. Whether resting, standing, working or eating food (if the scraps he nibbled could be called food), he incessantly and constantly had a single aim: always to sing of God, and to practice the teaching of the Divine Scriptures. Zosimas used to relate how, as soon as he was taken from his mother's breast, he was handed over to the monastery where he went through his training as an ascetic till he reached the age of 53. After that, he began to be tormented with the thought that he was perfect in everything and needed no instruction from anyone, saying to himself mentally, "Is there a monk on earth who can be of use to me and show me a kind of asceticism that I have not accomplished? Is there a man to be found in the desert who has surpassed me?"

Thus thought the elder, when suddenly an angel appeared to him and said:

"Zosimas, valiantly have you struggled, as far as this is within the power of man, valiantly have you gone through the ascetic course. But there is no man who has attained perfection. Before you lie unknown struggles greater than those you have already accomplished. That you may know how many other ways lead to salvation, leave your native land like the renowned patriarch Abraham and go to the monastery by the River Jordan."

Zosimas did as he was told. he left the monastery in which he had lived from childhood, and went to the River Jordan. At last he reached the community to which God had sent him. Having knocked at the door of the monastery, he told the monk who was the porter who he was; and the porter told the abbot. On being admitted to the abbot's presence, Zosimas made the usual monastic prostration and prayer. Seeing that he was a monk the abbot asked:

"Where do you come from, brother, and why have you come to us poor old men?"

Zosimas replied:

"There is no need to speak about where I have come from, but I have come, father, seeking spiritual profit, for I have heard great things about your skill in leading souls to God."

"Brother," the abbot said to him, "Only God can heal the infirmity of the soul. May He teach you and us His divine ways and guide us. But as it is the love of Christ that has moved you to visit us poor old men, then stay with us, if that is why you have come. May the Good Shepherd Who laid down His life for our salvation fill us all with the grace of the Holy Spirit."

After this, Zosimas bowed to the abbot, asked for his prayers and blessing, and stayed in the monastery. There he saw elders proficient both in action and the contemplation of God, aflame in spirit, working for the Lord. They sang incessantly, they stood in prayer all night, work was ever in their hands and psalms on their lips. Never an idle word was heard among them, they know nothing about acquiring temporal goods or the cares of life. But they had one desire -- to become in body like corpses. Their constant food was the Word of God, and they sustained their bodies on bread and water, as much as their love for God allowed them Seeing this, Zosimas was greatly edified and prepared for the struggle that lay before him.

Many days passed and the time drew near when all Christians fast and prepare themselves to worship the Divine Passion and Ressurection of Christ. The monastery gates were kept always locked and only opened when one of the community was sent out on some errand. It was a desert place, not only unvisited by people of the world but even unknown to them.

There was a rule in that monastery which was the reason why God brought Zosimas there. At the beginning of the Great Fast [on Forgiveness Sunday] the priest celebrated the holy Liturgy and all partook of the holy body and blood of Christ. After the Liturgy they went to the refectory and would eat a little lenten food.

Then all gathered in church, and after praying earnestly with prostrations, the elders kissed one another and asked forgiveness. And each made a prostration to the abbot and asked his blessing and prayers for the struggle that lay before them. After this, the gates of the monastery were thrown open, and singing, "The Lord is my light and my Savior; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defender of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 26.1) and the rest of that psalm, all went out into the desert and crossed the River Jordan. Only one or two brothers were left in the monastery, not to guard the property (for there was nothing to rob), but so as not to leave the church without Divine Service. Each took with him as much as he could or wanted in the way of food, according to the needs of his body: one would take a little bread, another some figs, another dates or wheat soaked in water. And some took nothing but their own body covered with rags and fed when nature forced them to it on the plants that grew in the desert.

After crossing the Jordan, they all scattered far and wide in different directions. And this was the rule of life they had, and which they all observed -- neither to talk to one another, nor to know how each one lived and fasted. If they did happen to catch sight of one another, they went to another part of the country, living alone and always singing to God, and at a definite time eating a very small quantity of food. In this way they spent the whole of the fast and used to return to the monastery a week before the Resurrection of Christ, on Palm Sunday. Each one returned having his own conscience as the witness of his labour, and no one asked another how he had spent his time in the desert. Such were rules of the monastery. Everyone of them whilst in the desert struggled with himself before the Judge of the struggle -- God -- not seeking to please men and fast before the eyes of all. For what is done for the sake of men, to win praise and honour, is not only useless to the one who does it but sometimes the cause of great punishment.

Zosimas did the same as all. And he went far, far into the desert with a secret hope of finding some father who might be living there and who might be able to satisfy his thirst and longing. And he wandered on tireless, as if hurrying on to some definite place. He had already waled for 20 days and when the 6th hour came he stopped and, turning to the East, he began to sing the sixth Hour and recite the customary prayers. He used to break his journey thus at fixed hours of the day to rest a little, to chant psalms standing and to pray on bent knees.

And as he sang thus without turning his eyes from the heavens, he suddenly saw to the right of the hillock on which he stood the semblance of a human body. At first he was confused thinking he beheld a vision of the devil, and even started with fear. But, having guarded himself with he sign of the Cross and banished all fear, he turned his gaze in that direction and in truth saw some form gliding southwards. It was naked, the skin dark as if burned up by the heat of the sun; the hair on its head was white as a fleece, and not long, falling just below its neck. Zosimas was so overjoyed at beholding a human form that he ran after it in pursuit, but the form fled from him. He followed. At length, when he was near enough to be heard, he shouted:

"Why do you run from an old man and a sinner? Slave of the True God, wait for me, whoever you are, in God's name I tell you, for the love of God for Whose sake you are living in the desert."

"Forgive me for God's sake, but I cannot turn towards you and show you my face, Abba Zosimas. For I am a woman and naked as you see with the uncovered shame of my body. But if you would like to fulfil one wish of a sinful woman, throw me your cloak so that I can cover my body and can turn to you and ask for your blessing."

Here terror seized Zosimas, for he heard that she called him by name. But he realized that she could not have done so without knowing anything of him if she had not had the power of spiritual insight.

He at once did as he was asked. He took off his old, tattered cloak and threw it to her, turning away as he did so. She picked it up and was able to cover at least a part of her body. The she turned to Zosimas and said:

"Why did you wish, Abba Zosimas, to see a sinful woman? What do you wish to hear or learn from me, you who have not shrunk from such great struggles?"

Zosimas threw himself on the ground and asked for her blessing. She likewise bowed down before him. And thus they lay on the ground prostrate asking for each other's blessing. And one word alone could be heard from both: "Bless me!" After a long while the woman said to Zosimas:

"Abba Zosimas, it is you who must give blessing and pray. You are dignified by the order of priesthood and for many years you have been standing before the holy altar and offering the sacrifice of the Divine Mysteries."

This flung Zosimas into even greater terror. At length with tears he said to her:

"O mother, filled with the spirit, by your mode of life it is evident that you live with God and have died to the world. The Grace granted to you is apparent -- for you have called me by name and recognized that I am a priest, though you have never seen me before. Grace is recognized not by one's orders, but by gifts of the Spirit, so give me your blessing for God's sake, for I need your prayers."

Then, giving way before the wish of the elder, the woman said:

"Blessed is God Who cares for the salvation of men and their souls."

Zosimas answered:

"Amen."

And both rose to their feet. Then the woman asked the elder:

"Why have you come, man of God, to me who am so sinful? Why do you wish to see a woman naked and devoid of every virtue? Though I know one thing -- the Grace of the Holy Spirit has brought you to render me a service in time. Tell me, father, how are the Christian peoples living? And the kings? How is the Church guided?"

Zosimas said:

"By your prayers, mother, Christ has granted lasting peace to all. But fulfill the unworthy petition of an old man and pray for the whole world and for me who am a sinner, so that my wanderings in the desert may not be fruitless."

She answered:

"You who are a priest, Abba Zosimas, it is you who must pray for me and for all -- for this is your calling. But as we must all be obedient, I will gladly do what you ask."

And with these words she turned to the East, and raising her eyes to heaven and stretching out her hands, she began to pray in a whisper. One could not hear separate words, so that Zosimas could not understand anything that she said in her prayers. Meanwhile he stood, according to his own word, all in a flutter, looking at the ground without saying a word. And he swore, calling God to witness, that when at length he thought that her prayer was very long, he took his eyes off the ground and saw that she was raised bout a forearm's distance from the ground and stood praying in the air. When he saw this, even greater terror seized him and he fell on the ground weeping and repeating may times, "Lord have mercy."

And whilst lying prostrate on the ground he was tempted by a thought: Is it not a spirit, and perhaps her prayer is hypocrisy. But at the very same moment the woman turned round, raised the elder from the ground and said:

"Why do thoughts confuse you, Abba, and tempt you about me, as if I were a spirit and a dissember in prayer? Know, holy father, that I am only a sinful woman, though I am guarded by Holy baptism. And I am no spirit but earth and ashes, and flesh alone."

And with these words she guarded herself with the sign of the Cross on her forehead, eyes, mouth and breast, saying:

"May God defend us from the evil one and from his designs, for fierce is his struggle against us."

Hearing and seeing this, the elder fell to the ground and, embracing her feet, he said with tears:

"I beg you, by the Name of Christ our God, Who was born of a Virgin, for Whose sake you have stripped yourself, for Whose sake you have exhausted your flesh, do not hide from your slave, who you are and whence and how you came into this desert. Tell me everything so that the marvellous works of God may become known. A hidden wisdom and a secret treasure -- what profit is there in them? Tell me all, I implore you. for not out of vanity or for self-display will you speak but to reveal the truth to me, an unworthy sinner. I believe in God, for whom you live and whom you serve. I believe that He led me into this desert so as to show me His ways in regard to you. It is not in our power to resist the plans of God. If it were not the will of God that you and your life would be known, He would not have allowed be to see you and would not have strengthened me to undertake this journey, one like me who never before dared to leave his cell."

Much more said Abba Zosimas. But the woman raised him and said:

"I am ashamed, Abba, to speak to you of my disgraceful life, forgive me for God's sake! But as you have already seen my naked body I shall likewise lay bare before you my work, so that you may know with what shame and obscenity my soul is filled. I was not running away out of vanity, as you thought, for what have I to be proud of -- I who was the chosen vessel of the devil? But when I start my story you will run from me, as from a snake, for your ears will not be able to bear the vileness of my actions. But I shall tell you all without hiding anything, only imploring you first of all to pray incessantly for me, so that I may find mercy on the day of Judgment."

The elder wept and the woman began her story.

"My native land, holy father, was Egypt. Already during the lifetime of my parents, when I was twelve years old, I renounced their love and went to Alexandria. I am ashamed to recall how there I at first ruined my maidenhood and then unrestrainedly and insatiably gave myself up to sensuality. It is more becoming to speak of this briefly, so that you may just know my passion and my lechery. for about seventeen years, forgive me, I lived like that. I was like a fire of public debauch. And it was not for the sake of gain -- here I speak the pure truth. Often when they wished to pay me, I refused the money. I acted in this way so as to make as many men as possible to try to obtain me, doing free of charge what gave me pleasure. do not think that I was rich and that was the reason why I did not take money. I lived by begging, often by spinning flax, but I had an insatiable desire and an irrepressible passion for lying in filth. This was life to me. Every kind of abuse of nature I regarded as life.

That is how I lived. Then one summer I saw a large crowd of Lybians and Egyptians running towards the sea. I asked one of them, `Where are these men hurrying to?' He replied, `They are all going to Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the Precious and Lifegiving Cross, which takes place in a few days.' I said to him, `Will they take me with them if I wish to go?' `No one will hinder you if you have money to pay for the journey and for food.' And I said to him, `To tell you truth, I have no money, neither have I food. But I shall go with them and shall go aboard. And they shall feed me, whether they want to or not. I have a body -- they shall take it instead of pay for the journey.' I was suddenly filled with a desire to go, Abba, to have more lovers who could satisfy my passion. I told you, Abba Zosimas, not to force me to tell you of my disgrace. God is my witness, I am afraid of defiling you and the very air with my words."


Zosimas, weeping, replied to her:

"Speak on for God's sake, mother, speak and do not break the thread of such an edifying tale."

And, resuming her story, she went on:

"That youth, on hearing my shameless words, laughed and went off. While I, throwing away my spinning wheel, ran off towards the sea in the direction which everyone seemed to be taking. and, seeing some young men standing on the shore, about ten or more of them, full of vigour and alert in their movements, I decided that they would do for my purpose (it seemed that some of them were waiting for more travellers whilst others had gone ashore). Shamelessly, as usual, I mixed with the crowd, saying, `Take me with you to the place you are going to; you will not find me superfluous.' I also added a few more words calling forth general laughter. Seeing my readiness to be shameless, they readily took me aboard the boat. Those who were expected came also, and we set sail at once.

How shall I relate to you what happened after this? Whose tongue can tell, whose ears can take in all that took place on the boat during that voyage! And to all this I frequently forced those miserable youths even against their own will. There is no mentionable or unmentionable depravity of which I was not their teacher. I am amazed, Abba, how the sea stood our licentiousness, how the earth did not open its jaws, and how it was that hell did not swallow me alive, when I had entangled in my net so many souls. But I think God was seeking my repentance. For He does not desire the death of a sinner but magnanimously awaits his return to Him. At last we arrived in Jerusalem. I spent the days before the festival in the town, living the same kind of life, perhaps even worse. I was not content with the youths I had seduced at sea and who had helped be to get to Jerusalem; many others -- citizens of the town and foreigners -- I also seduced.

The holy day of the Exaltation of the Cross dawned while I was still flying about -- hunting for youths. At daybreak I saw that everyone was hurrying to the church, so I ran with the rest. When the hour for the holy elevation approached, I was trying to make my way in with the crowd which was struggling to get through the church doors. I had at last squeezed through with great difficulty almost to the entrance of the temple, from which the lifegiving Tree of the Cross was being shown to the people. But when I trod on the doorstep which everyone passed, I was stopped by some force which prevented my entering. Meanwhile I was brushed aside by the crowd and found myself standing alone in the porch. Thinking that this had happened because of my woman's weakness, I again began to work my way into the crowd, trying to elbow myself forward. But in vain I struggled. Again my feet trod on the doorstep over which others were entering the church without encountering any obstacle. I alone seemed to remain unaccepted by the church. It was as if there was a detachment of soldiers standing there to oppose my entrance. Once again I was excluded by the same mighty force and again I stood in the porch.

Having repeated my attempt three or four times, at last I felt exhausted and had no more strength to push and to be pushed, so I went aside and stood in a corner of the porch. And only then with great difficulty it began to dawn on me, and I began to understand the reason why I was prevented from being admitted to see the life-giving Cross. The word of salvation gently touched the eyes of my heart and revealed to me that it was my unclean life which barred the entrance to me. I began to weep and lament and beat my breast, and to sigh from the depths of my heart. And so I stood weeping when I saw above me the ikon of the most holy Mother of God. And turning to her my bodily and spiritual eyes I said:

'O Lady, Mother of God, who gave birth in the flesh to God the Word, I know, O how well I know, that it is no honour or praise to thee when one so impure and depraved as I look up to thy ikon, O ever-virgin, who didst keep thy body and soul in purity. Rightly do I inspire hatred and disgust before thy virginal purity. But I have heard that God Who was born of thee became man on purpose to call sinners to repentance. Then help me, for I have no other help. Order the entrance of the church to be opened to me. Allow me to see the venerable Tree on which He Who was born of thee suffered in the flesh and on which He shed His holy Blood for the redemption of sinners and for me, unworthy as I am. Be my faithful witness before thy Son that I will never again defile my body by the impurity of fornication, but as soon as I have seen the Tree of the Cross I will renounce the world and its temptations and will go wherever thou wilt lead me.'

Thus I spoke and as if acquiring some hope in firm faith and feeling some confidence in the mercy of the Mother of God, I left the place where I stood praying. And I went again and mingled with the crowd that was pushing its way into the temple. And no one seemed to thwart me, no one hindered my entering the church. I was possessed with trembling, and was almost in delirium. Having got as far as the doors which I could not reach before -- as if the same force which had hindered me cleared the way for me -- I now entered without difficulty and found myself within the holy place. And so it was I saw the lifegiving Cross. I saw too the Mysteries of God and how the Lord accepts repentance. Throwing myself on the ground, I worshipped that holy earth and kissed it with trembling. Then I came out of the church and went to her who had promised to be my security, to the place where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the Virgin Mother of God, I addressed to her such words as these:

'O loving Lady, thou hast shown me thy great love for all men. glory to God Who receives the repentance of sinners through thee. What more can I recollect or say, I who am so sinful? It is time for me, O Lady to fulfil my vow, according to thy witness. Now lead me by the hand along the path of repentance!' And at these words I heard a voice from on high:

`If you cross the Jordan you will find glorious rest.'

Hearing this voice and having faith that it was for me, I cried to the Mother of God:

'O Lady, Lady, do not forsake me!'

With these words I left the porch of the church and set off on my journey. As I was leaving the church a stranger glanced at me and gave me three coins, saying:

'Sister, take these.'

And, taking the money, I bought three loaves and took them with me on my journey, as a blessed gift. I asked the person who sold the bread:
'Which is the way to the Jordan?' I was directed to the city gate which led that way. Running on I passed the gates and still weeping went on my journey. Those I met I asked the way, and after walking for the rest of that day (I think it was nine o'clock when I saw the Cross) I at length reached at sunset the Church of St. John the Baptist which stood on the banks of the Jordan. After praying in the temple, I went down to the Jordan and rinsed my face and hands in its holy waters. I partook of the holy and life-giving Mysteries in the Church of the Forerunner and ate half of one of my loaves. Then, after drinking some water from Jordan, I lay down and passed the night on the ground. In the morning I found a small boat and crossed to the opposite bank. I again prayed to Our Lady to lead me whither she wished. Then I found myself in this desert and since then up to this very day I am estranged from all, keeping away from people and running away from everyone. And I live here clinging to my God Who saves all who turn to Him from faintheartedness and storms."

Zosimas asked her:

"How many years have gone by since you began to live in this desert?"

She replied:

"Forty-seven years have already gone by, I think, since I left the holy city."

Zosimas asked:

"But what food do you find?"

The woman said:

"I had two and a half loaves when I crossed the Jordan. Soon they dried up and became hard as rock. Eating a little I gradually finished them after a few years."

Zosimas asked.

"Can it be that without getting ill you have lived so many years thus, without suffering in any way from such a complete change?"

The woman answered:

"You remind me, Zosimas, of what I dare not speak of. For when I recall all the dangers which I overcame, and all the violent thoughts which confused me, I am again afraid that they will take possession of me."

Zosimas said:

"Do not hide from me anything; speak to me without concealing anything."

And she said to him:

"Believe me, Abba, seventeen years I passed in this desert fighting wild beasts -- mad desires and passions. When I was about to partake of food, I used to begin to regret the meat and fish of which I had so much in Egypt. I regretted also not having wine which I loved so much, for I drank a lot of wine when I lived in the world, while here I had not even water. I used to burn and succumb with thirst. The mad desire for profligate songs also entered me and confused me greatly, edging me on to sing satanic songs which I had learned once. But when such desires entered me I struck myself on the breast and reminded myself of the vow which I had made, when going into the desert. In my thoughts I returned to the ikon of the Mother of God which had received me and to her I cried in prayer. I implored her to chase away the thoughts to which my miserable soul was succumbing. And after weeping for long and beating my breast I used to see light at last which seemed to shine on me from everywhere. And after the violent storm, lasting calm descended.

And how can I tell you about the thoughts which urged me on to fornication, how can I express them to you, Abba? A fire was kindled in my miserable heart which seemed to burn me up completely and to awake in me a thirst for embraces. As soon as this craving came to me, I flung myself on the earth and watered it with my tears, as if I saw before me my witness, who had appeared to me in my disobedience, and who seemed to threaten punishment for the crime. And I did not rise from the ground (sometimes I lay thus prostrate for a day and a night) until a calm and sweet light descended and enlightened me and chased away the thoughts that possessed me. But always I turned to the eyes of my mind to my Protectress, asking her to extend help to one who was sinking fast in the waves of the desert. And I always had her as my Helper and the Accepter of my repentance. And thus I lived for seventeen years amid constant dangers. And since then even till now the Mother of God helps me in everything and leads me as it were by the hand."


Zosimas asked:

"Can it be that you did not need food and clothing?"

She answered:

"After finishing the loaves I had, of which I spoke, for seventeen years I have fed on herbs and all that can be found in the desert. The clothes I had when I crossed the Jordan became torn and worn out. I suffered greatly from the cold and greatly from the extreme heat. At times the sun burned me up and at other times I shivered from the frost, and frequently falling to the ground I lay without breath and without motion. I struggled with many afflictions and with terrible temptations. But from that time till now the power of God in numerous ways had guarded my sinful soul and my humble body. When I only reflect on the evils from which Our Lord has delivered me I have imperishable food for hope of salvation. I am fed and clothed by the all-powerful Word of God, the Lord of all. For it is not by bread alone that man lives. And those who have stripped off the rags of sin have no refuge, hiding themselves in the clefts of the rocks (Job 24; Heb 11.38)."

Hearing that she cited words of Scripture, from Moses and Job, Zosimas asked her:

"And so you have read the psalms and other books?"

She smiled at this and said to the elder:

"Believe be, I have not seen a human face ever since I crossed the Jordan, except yours today. I have not seen a beast or a living being ever since I came into the desert. I never learned from books. I have never even heard anyone who sang and read from them. But the word of God which is alive and active, by itself teaches a man knowledge. And so this is the end of my tale. But, as I asked you in the beginning, so even now I implore you for the sake of the Incarnate word of God, to pray to the Lord for me who am such a sinner."

Thus concluding here tale she bowed down before him. And with tears the elder exclaimed:

"Blessed is God Who creates the great and wondrous, the glorious and marvellous without end. Blessed is God Who has shown me how He rewards those who fear Him. Truly, O Lord, Thou dost not forsake those who seek Thee!"

And the woman, not allowing the elder to bow down before her, said:

"I beg you, holy father, for the sake of Jesus Christ our God and Savior, tell no one what you have heard, until God delivers me of this earth. And now depart in peace and again next year you shall see me, and I you, if God will preserve us in His great mercy. But for God's sake, do as I ask you. Next year during Lent do not cross the Jordan, as is your custom in the monastery."

Zosimas was amazed to hear that she know the rules of the monastery and could only say:

"Glory to God Who bestows great gifts on those who love Him."

She continued:

"Remain, Abba, in the monastery. And even if you wish to depart, you will not be to do so. And at sunset of the holy day of the Last super, put some of the lifegiving Body and Blood of Christ into a holy vessel worthy to hold such Mysteries for me, and bring it. And wait for me on the banks of the Jordan adjoining the inhabited parts of the land, so that I can come and partake of the lifegiving Gifts. For, since the time I communicated in the temple of the Forerunner before crossing the Jordan even to this day I have not approached the Holy Mysteries. And I thirst for them with irrepressible love and longing. And therefore I ask and implore you to grant me my wish, bring me the lifegiving Mysteries at the very hour when Our Lord made His disciples partake of His Divine Supper. Tell John the Abbot of the monastery where you live. Look to yourself and to your brothers, for there is much that needs correction. Only do not say this now, but when God guides you. Pray for me!"

With these words she vanished in the depths of the desert. And Zosimas, falling down on his knees and bowing down to the ground on which she had stood, sent up glory and thanks to God. And, after wandering thorough the desert, he returned to the monastery on the day all the brothers returned.

For the whole year he kept silent, not daring to tell anyone of what he had seen. But he prayed to God to give him another chance of seeing the ascetic's dear face. And when at length the first Sunday of the Great Fast came, all went out into the desert with the customary prayers and the singing of psalms. Only Zosimas was held back by illness -- he lay in a fever. And then he remembered what the saint had said to him: "and even if you wish to depart, you will not be able to do so."

Many days passed and at last recovering from his illness he remained in the monastery. And when attain the monks returned and the day of the Last Supper dawned, he did as he had been ordered, and placing some of the most pure Body and Blood into a small chalice and putting some figs and dates and lentils soaked in water into a small basket, he departed for the desert and reached the banks of the Jordan and sat down to wait for the saint. He waited for a long while and then began to doubt. Then, raising his eyes to heaven, he began to pray:

"Grant me, O Lord, to behold that which Thou hast allowed me to behold once. Do not let me depart in vain, being the burden of my sins."

And then another thought struck him:

"And what if she does come? There is no boat; how will she cross the Jordan to come to me who am so unworthy?"

And as he was pondering thus he saw the holy woman appear and stand on the other side of the river. Zosimas got up rejoicing and glorifying and thanking God. And again the thought came to him that she could not cross the Jordan. Then he saw that she made the sign of the Cross over the waters of the Jordan (and the night was a moonlight one, as he related afterwards) and then she at once stepped on to the waters and began walking across the surface towards him. And when he wanted to prostrate himself, she cried to him while still walking on the water:

"What are you doing, Abba, you are a priest and carrying the Divine Gifts!"

He obeyed her and on reaching the shore she said to the elder:

"Bless, father, bless me!"

He answered her trembling, for a state of confusion had overcome him at the sight of the miracle:

"Truly God did not lie when He promised that when we purify ourselves we shall be like Him. Glory to Thee, Christ our God, Who has shown me through this Thy slave how far away I stand from perfection."

Here the woman asked him to say the Creed and Our Father. He began, she finished the prayer and according to the custom of that time gave him the kiss of peace on the lips. Having partaken of the Holy Mysteries, she raised her hands to heaven and sighed with tears in her eyes, exclaiming:

"Now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace, O Lord, according to Thy word; for my eyes have seen Thy salvation."

Then she said to the elder:

"Forgive me, Abba, for asking you, but fulfil another wish of mine. Go now to the monastery and let God's grace guard you, and next year come again to the same place where I first met you. Come for God's sake, for you shall again see me, for such is the will of God."

He said to her:

"From this day on I would like to follow you and always see your holy face. But now fulfil the one and only wish of an old man and take a little of the food I have brought for you."

And he showed her the basket, while she just touched the lentils with the tips of her fingers, and taking three grains said that the Holy spirit guards the substance of the soul unpolluted. Then she said:

"Pray, for God's sake pray for me and remember a miserable wretch."

Touching the saint's feet and asking for her prayers for the Church, the kingdom and himself, he let her depart with tears, while he went off sighing and sorrowful, for he could not hope to vanquish the invincible. Meanwhile she again made the sign of the Cross over the Jordan, and stepped on to the waters and crossed over as before. And the elder returned filled with joy and terror, accusing himself of not having asked the saint her name. But he decided to do so next year.

And when another year had passed, he again went into the desert. He reached the same spot but could see no sign of anyone. So, raising his eyes to heaven as before, he prayed:

"Show me, O Lord, Thy pure treasure, which Thou hast concealed in the desert. Show me, I pray Thee, the angel in the flesh, of which the world is not worthy."

Then on the opposite bank of the river, her face turned towards the rising sun, he saw the saint lying dead. Her hands were crossed according to custom and her face was turned to the East. Running up he shed tears over the saint's feet and kissed them, not daring to touch anything else.

For a long time he wept. Then reciting the appointed psalms, he said the burial prayers and thought to himself: "Must I bury the body of a saint? Or will this be contrary to her wishes?" And then he saw words traced on the ground by her head:

"Abba Zosimas, bury on this spot the body of humble Mary. Return to dust that which is dust and pray to the Lord for me, who departed in the month of Fermoutin of Egypt, called April by the Romans, on the first day, on the very night of our Lord's Passion, after having partaken of the Divine Mysteries." [St. Mary died in AD 522]

Reading this the elder was glad to know the saint's name. He understood too that as soon as she had partaken of the Divine Mysteries on the shore of the Jordan she was at once transported to the place where she died. The distance which Zosimas had taken twenty days to cover, Mary had evidently traversed in an hour and had at once surrendered her soul to God.

Then Zosimas thought: "It is time to do as she wished. But how am I to dig a grave with nothing in my hands?"

And then he saw nearby a small piece of wood left by some traveller in the desert. Picking it up he began to dig the ground. But the earth was hard and dry and did not yield to the efforts of the elder. He grew tired and covered with sweat. He sighed from the depths of his soul and lifting up his eyes he saw a big lion standing close to the saint's body and licking her feet. At the sight of the lion he trembled with fear, especially when he called to mind Mary's words that she had never seen wild beasts in the desert. But guarding himself with the sign of the cross, the thought came to him that the power of the one lying there would protect him and keep him unharmed. Meanwhile the lion drew nearer to him, expressing affection by every movement.

Zosimas said to the lion:

"The Great One ordered that her body was to be buried. But I am old and have not the strength to dig the grave, for I have no spade and it would take too long to go and get one. So can you carry out the work with your claws? Then we can commit to the earth the mortal temple of the saint."

While he was still speaking the lion with his front paws began to dig a hole deep enough to bury the body.

Again the elder washed the feet of the saint with his tears and calling on her to pray for all, covered the body with earth in the presence of the lion. It was as it had been, naked and uncovered by anything but the tattered cloak which had been given to her by Zosimas and with which Mary, turning away, had managed to cover part of her body. Then both departed. The lion went off into the depth of the desert like a lamb, while Zosimas returned to the monastery glorifying and blessing Christ our Lord. And on reaching the monastery he told all the brothers about everything, and all marvelled on hearing of God's miracles. And with fear and love they kept the memory of the saint.

Abbot John, as St. Mary had previously told Abba Zosimas, found a number of things wrong in the monastery and got rid of them with God's help. And Saint Zosimas died in the same monastery, almost attaining the age of a hundred, and passed to eternal life. The monks kept this story without writing it down and passed it on by word of mouth to one another.

But I (adds Sophronius) as soon as I heard it, wrote it down. Perhaps someone else, better informed, has already written the life of the Saint, but as far as I could, I have recorded everything, putting truth above all else. May God Who works amazing miracles and generously bestows gifts on those who turn to Him with faith, reward those who seek light for themselves in this story, who hear, read and are zealous to write it, and may He grant them the lot of blessed Mary together with all who at different times have pleased God by their pious thoughts and labours.

And let us also give glory to God, the eternal King, that He may grant us too His mercy in the day of judgment for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord, to Whom belongs all glory, honour, dominion and adoration with the Eternal Father and the Most Holy and Life-giving Spirit, now and always, and throughout all ages. Amen.

The End, and Glory Be to God!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Sunday, and You Can't Take It With You

Sunday morning, I drove to Front Royal and went to Mass at Christendom. During the Palestrina Choir practice, we practiced the choral responses to the Passion of St. Luke. After this, I went to Little Washington and watched the Christendom Players in action. This semester, they were performing You Can't Take It With You, which they all did remarkably well. I watched the matinée showing and the final performance, just so that I could get see both the regular version and the comic version.

The cast was an all-star cast:
  • John C -- Grandpa Vanderhof
  • Catherine T -- Penelope "Penny" Vanderhof Sycamore
  • Andy Bodoh -- Paul Sycamore
  • Grant D. -- Mr. De Pinna
  • Adrienne S. -- Essie Sycamore Carmichael
  • KC D. -- Ed Carmichael
  • Shelagh B -- Alice Sycamore
  • Emily S. -- Rheba
  • Jon Pat M. -- Donald
  • Julian A. -- Tony Kirby
  • Kyle K. -- Wilbur C. Henderson
  • Sam P. -- Mr. Boris Kolenkhov
  • Anne Therese S. -- Grand Duchess Olga Katrina
  • Bridget R. -- Gay Wellington
  • Chris D. -- Mr. Kirby
  • Cathy N. -- Mrs. Kirby
  • Matt van L. -- Lead Federal Agent
  • Joe V. -- Federal Agent #2 (Jim)
  • John J. -- Federal Agent #3 (Mac)
  • There's a possibility that I have Federal Agents #'s 2&3 backwards. If I do, I'm sorry...
To be perfectly honest, the matinée performance was not as much fun as the final performance when comparing them side-to-side, but both plays were a lot of fun to watch. The personal animation that goes into making some of these characters, like Sam's Russian, Adrienne's dancing, Emily and Jon Pat's black impersonations, and Grant's eccentricities (wait -- was that last one really acting???) is simply amazing. It was also very refreshing to see recurring actors like Julian, John J., and Sam get differing parts, where they can't act off each other -- it really shows their natural talents to be able to work with any group of people and give simply amazing performances. I include John J. in this list because he was the director as well as an agent. Julian and Sam had two of the bigger roles, and they were simply incredible.

In between shows, I went to the Griffin Tavern and met up with Emma, Laurel, M.C., JD, Greg M., Mary B., Emily G., Breanna H., and Andy C. After the final performance, most of us went to Baskin-Robbins for ice cream. I took off about midnight and went back to the apartment. Along the way, I got rather tired, so I took a quick nap in Manassas, and got back to the apartment at about 2:00 AM.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The weekend so far...

This morning, I woke up late, which I did not need to do this morning. I needed to be in Front Royal at 10:30 AM to leave, and I was going to make it, but only after booking it to Front Royal. However, I got a call from Paul, saying that they were leaving at 10:15, instead of 10:30, and I had to drive to Staunton, VA. I wasn't too terribly pleased with this new development, but, hey, such is life. I ended up stopping for gas, and then Jonathan passed me as I got back onto the highway, so I followed him all the way to the church.

Now, you're probably wondering, "Why is there a wedding in Lent?" I have no idea either. There had to be a dispensation involved, and, as I'm not privy to all information of the sorts, all I know is that there was a wedding, and it was today, the fourth Saturday of Lent...

Anyway, so the wedding was OK. Acoustically, the church did not seem to carry sound well at all. I guess we sounded OK, though. However, at the time, it felt like no matter how much sound I tried to produce, it was always muffled.

After the wedding, we went to lunch at a small diner in the town and had a late lunch or early dinner, depending upon how you want to look at it. After that, I went to Ken and Alaina's place.

I saw their baby for the first time, and he's pretty cute, and very peaceful. I was quite surprised that he didn't start crying immediately like most babies do when they see me...

After that, I went back to my apartment. I was going to go to the gym, but it was too late when I got back. I'll have to make a point to go there multiple mornings nest week. Anyway, I'm picking up David at the airport tonight, and he's waiting on his baggage. Hopefully, it'll come soon, because it's now midnight...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The One

I've seen this movie once before, and I thoroughly enjoyed it a second time. I forgot about a couple minor plot twists, but it was still very enjoyable...

300

This movie is sooooooo freaking cool!!!! There is a decent amount of nudity in it, so be warned. There is a lot of violence, so also, be warned. It is historically accurate, so the heroes of the story all get slaughtered at the end, so don't expect a Hollywood ending of the good guys winning. It's 300 Spartans against the millions of men in the armies of Xerxes, King of Persia, at the famous Battle of Thermopylae. The Spartans fight bravely and do so much damage against the Persians that it's not even funny (OK, yes, it is -- I had a good laugh at Xerxes), but they don't survive.

Actually, I should say that all the nudity and violence is styled to give everything the desired results. There is some nudity which is designed to gross you out -- and it really does.

In any case, this movie is an excellent movie, very well done, but it is not for the faint of heart, nor the easily-scandalized. If you qualify for either category, do not watch this movie.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Marine

This wasn't a great movie, like A Few Good Men was, but it was fun. John Cena stars as John Triton, a Marine who gets discharged for disobeying a direct order and saving the lives of fellow Marines. (Does bureaucracy make sense to you?) He then proceeds to chase down criminals who kidnap his wife. It's a very fun action movie, with a decent plot, dialogue, and characters, but don't expect a blockbuster. It's just fun. :)

Oh, and it's safe, too. The only scenes which might be a bit uncomfortable for mixed company are early on. I'm not sure if they are in the regular version -- I have the unrated edition. However, the unrated version showed nothing, so I wouldn't worry about it in the regular (PG-13) edition.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sunday conclusion

After I got done with the previous blog post, I headed over to the gym. Keep in mind that I was still really sore and still dressed in my Sunday clothes. Soccer? I think not. However, I was convinced that it was a good idea, so the vest and pocket watch came off, the rugs were scooted out to the end-zone, and I became the best-dressed goalie in the game. I wasn't the best goalie, that's for sure, but if style counted, I was definitely scoring points by my pretty-boy look...

After that, I headed back to the apartment, ate four ears of corn on the cob and some potatoes, while watching Gargoyles. What a fun evening...

St. Patrick's Day & Sunday

My plan was to go to choir practice on Saturday morning at Christendom, go to the gym (back in Herndon), go to Vespers at Holy Transfiguration, and then go back to Christendom and attend the St. Patrick's Day festivities. That was the plan, anyway...

I got up late on Saturday. I actually got up and out of bed at about 9:30 AM. I debated with myself if I should shower -- no, I decided against it. Why should I? I'm going to the gym. I'm only going to get sweaty again, and then I'd have to come back and take another shower. So I put on my gym clothes and got ready to go to the gym...

(10:00 AM)

...right after I checked my e-mail. "Hey, check it out, someone added me on MySpace." I go look. "Figures. It's just some person trying to bump their friend count up. OK, whatever." (Accept.)

I saw some videos on the MSN homepage about St. Patrick's Day. They've reduced his status to mythological. They don't doubt that he existed, but St. Patrick didn't cast out all the snakes from Ireland. They believe that he couldn't have, and they back it up by saying that there were never any snakes in Ireland. Everything else was pretty cool -- there was a recipe for Guinness cake (which I think I can make), some sort of bacon, cabbage, and mashed potatoes mix -- I can't remember the name of it, but it looks really good.

And after that... "Oh, and I got something on Facebook! I gotta see that!" So, I checked my Facebook account. "Ah, that's cool. Hey, I've been poked!" Pokes poker back. "Ah, much better."

(11:00 AM)

"You know, my profile needs to be updated. I'll do that really quickly. Well, this won't be a quick thing. I'll fire up an episode of Gargoyles." So, I fire up one of the episodes (I think it was The Thrill of the Hunt), and begin editing my profile.

(2:45 PM) "I've now uploaded a lot of pictures, joined a few groups, and I've gotten through Season 1. Time to go the gym." I was cutting it close, because my workout would probably be about an hour-and-a-half, and I still had to shower. Should I even go? Yes, I should. I grabbed my MP3 player, a change of clothes, and headed out.

My workout was actually over two hours long. The bulk of the workout was legs -- that was fairly quick, although not easy. The situps and other core exercises were a lot harder. When I was done, I went to the steam room. It was so warm in there. I almost fell asleep, but I didn't. I was completely drenched in sweat, so I jumped (not literally) into the hot tub. (No, it wasn't too hot in the hot tub.) After that, a shower, a shave, head back to the apartment, grab a change of clothes for the weekend...

(5:45 PM)

...or so I thought. I stood around debating with myself -- do I need a change of clothes? I would, if I was spending the night out there. But I was driving Matt G. (one of the guys at Holy Transfiguration) from Vespers to Christendom to join in the St. Patrick's Day festival, so I would be driving him back that evening. I left my stuff at the apartment and headed out the door...

...after I finished making my protein shake. But it wasn't much of a shake. I put some in the freezer to solidify, so while I was waiting for that, I checked my e-mail again. "Huh, I've got more stuff on Facebook. Let's check that out."

(6:30 PM)

I finally pried myself from the computer, got in the car, and drove to Holy Transfiguration. I had missed Vespers completely by the time that I got there. Of course, it was entirely my fault -- I'm definitely not trying to duck out of it. Anyway, Matt and I got on the road to Front Royal...

(7:15 PM)

...but I had to swing by the office first and check to see if Paul's computer was turned on -- he had tried to get some work done, but he couldn't log into his machine. It was turned on, so I gave Paul and call to let him know that it wasn't his computer's fault, and then headed out. I also discovered that it would be just as easy for Matt to sleep out in Front Royal (easier, actually) than for us to make the drive back that same night. So we also stopped by my apartment and picked up my change of clothes that I had almost packed but had not brought, because I was sooo clever earlier and we finally made it down to Front Royal circa 9:00 PM.

St. Patrick's Feast was celebrated with much Guinness, Irish dancing, Irish songs and high spirits. Seemed to me to be a stereotypical American/Irish festival, and it was a lot of fun. Towards the end, I talked to Father H. and Mrs. O'D, and it just so happens that Mrs. O'D. is looking for a set of bagpipes for her son. I just happen to have a set of bagpipes that I have never opened. I wanted to learn them, but I'm never going to be able to do so in an apartment. I agreed to bring them this coming weekend, so she could take a look at them to see if she was interested.

When the party ended in the St. Lawrence Commons, everything moved over to St. Killian's Cafe, which is part of the John Paul II student center where the old library had been. I had a Guinness earlier, so I had an Irish coffee there. I chatted with Pate Q., Fred F., Peter K., Matt G., Cynthia and several other people who were there. After that, I head over to Sarah H's place, where she and Vivian were visiting. I ended up having two shots of Butterscotch Schnapps and one of Cinnamon Schnapps -- both really good, and really sweet.

Matt G. gave me a call, and I drove back to campus to pick him up. We both went back to Sarah's and chatted until 3:00 AM (quite by accident), and then I dropped him off at St. Pius dorm where he had an invitation to stay, and I went to St. Kevin's and crashed there. The next morning, Matt rode back out to Holy Transfiguration with Katherine M.

I got up about 8:00 AM to light pouring in my eyes. I went to choir practice, schola practice, and Mass. After that, there was a second brief schola practice before the Tridentine Mass in town, and then Dr. Poterack, Draper, Andy C., and I went to that Mass and chanted the schola pieces there as well. After this, there was the Palestrina choir rehearsal, and we were done about 3:30. I stuck around until about 3:45 just talking, and I went to the gym at about 4:00 PM to meet up with TJ for more dancing lessons. When I got there, he was in the middle of a game of wallyball, so I lifted weights for a few minutes until he was done.

After our lesson, I went back and lifted weights for a little bit longer, and then I came to the library to type this up. I really should go now. I told M.C. and Francis that I would join them in the gym. It's 7:00 PM now, this was about half-an-hour ago...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Band of Brothers

This is simply a fantastic series. It's all based on actual facts, granted with a little artistic interpretation, but, hey -- it doesn't detract from the story at all.

There is one scene of sex in the entire series. It kinda jumps out at you. It's completely unexpected. There are small references here and there elsewhere, but you never see anything. It's not the point of the show.

It goes without saying that the show is very violent, and like most movies portraying the armed forces, there is a lot of language, too. It's based on World War II, so the violence level is expected. There is a lot of blood, a lot of violent results (like dismemberment), but even if you're as squeamish as I am, the whole series is so very worth it. The series portrays soldiers of all camps as serving their countries with as much honor and bravery as every man can muster. The message is good, the actors played everything very well, the directors and the producers did an excellent job -- do yourself a favor and watch this series.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Few Good Men

This is a movie that is extremely high on the list of movies that you have to see. Yes, you. I don't care who you are, watch this movie. There is no sex, making it that much better. There is a lot of language, but it's a military movie -- very stereotypically military. "Swearing like a sailor." It's not as bad as it sounds, but in more heated/angry moments, you can expect some foul language.

The opening scene will scare kids, but it's essential for the movie. I had to watch it twice to make sure that I understood what happened. I still didn't, so I let the movie continue, and then it was explained.

As a side note, the more Jack Nicholson movies I watch, the more impressed I am. He has a spectacular style which is often imitated, but never duplicated.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sunday Performance

I got up kind of early today. In spite of the daylight savings time change, I managed to get to Liturgy on time for the procession of the cross this morning, and I joined the choir to chant.

After this, I went to work to print out directions to the place where I was acting the role of butler for preview of the movie. Then I went back to the apartment, changed into my four-button tux, gray vest, and new shoes -- if I do say, I looked spiffy. :)

After I got to DC, I couldn't go right in -- I had to wait for a bit. I wandered around DC in my tux getting funny glances. It was loads of fun for me. It's not every day that I get to dress in formal wear and walk around DC for the fun of it.

I managed to get inside the theater about 4:30 PM (I got into DC about 3:15 PM -- I was entertaining myself during that time), and the shows were just about to start. Babar and I had coordinated plans beforehand. We had decided that while did the introduction, he was going to say that this evening is special, because his butler is attending the show, which has never happened before. I stood up and announced my presence, and people applauded. Babar continued talking, as if to drone on for a couple more minutes, but I cut him off, saying that the shorter he makes his introduction, the sooner we can begin the ceremonies. He grinned and left the stage. I think the audience got a kick out of that comment.

His preview was pretty interesting. It looks like a fun movie. After this preview, two others, and into the fourth preview, he called me out, and we got everything set up for the Q&A session, where I would actually be present with him on stage. (This is the part that we had actually practiced for.) First, we couldn't get a straight answer on where the session was going to be held. When we finally got that nailed down (half-an-hour after we thought it would start), we then had to wait for the Q&A session to start. We thought we would start around 6 PM, at the latest. At 7:15, we were still waiting. We did finally get the word that we were ready to go for the Q&A session, so Babar and I went backstage. We sat around for about ten minutes. The movie ended, and then we got word that since everything was running so far behind, the Q&A session got canceled. We weren't too happy about that (especially since Babar had guests waiting for the Q&A session), but what else could we do? I packed up everything, helped Babar get all his stuff back to his car, and then headed home.

I gave Mom a call once while waiting for the Q&A session to start, and then on the way back to the apartment. When I arrived back at the apartment, I changed into my PJ's and watched another couple episodes of Band of Brothers, an HBO miniseries -- it's quite good. I'll write more about it when I finish it all up...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Nice easy weekend so far...

This morning, I woke up fairly early (9:00 AM) and got ready for the day. Mrs. K. and Julianna came by to pick up a dresser about 11:15 AM, and I talked to them for a little bit.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before -- I don't think I have actually. I've got a small acting gig. There's a new independent movie out called Royal Kill. I'm not acting in the movie -- I'm the director's butler. Last week, we met up for the first time to discuss ideas for my role as his butler. Yesterday we met up again to get more specific. Tomorrow, I'll actually be on stage with him as he goes through an interview, after a 15-minute preview of the movie.

Today, I went out and got some new dress shoes. I needed them. My boots are almost completely worn out. Aside from that, my day today was nice and easy. I did a my laundry, went to Vespers at Holy Transfiguration, and chilled out back at the apartment.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Junior!!!

Ken & Alaina just had their first baby! It's a little boy, named Kenneth Joseph, after his father. I'm going to be calling him junior for the rest of his life. Hopefully he won't hate me too much... ;)

Taxes: what happened?

I got this e-mail from a professor of mine from Christendom. He did not write it -- he just forwarded it. If he had written it, it would be put together in a much more professional/scholarly way. I'm posting it because I thought it was interesting.

+ + +

At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.


Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest expense
Inventory tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS {Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the world happened? Can you spell "politicians!" And I still have to "press 1" for English. I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times. And some would argue that it was over-taxation that brought this country into being ... wasn't the Tea Tax only 3%? The English so sorely taxed her colonists and did very little to better her colonies with those revenues. A lot of the money went into the pockets of the wealthy and the coffers of the British government. Whereas, the Crown taxed our forefathers and brought that money back to England, our government taxes decendants of those forefathers (and those who immigrated after) and send much of that money to other countries..... hmmm? I just bought a bumper sticker which reads, "If 10% is good enough for God, then it's good enough for the IRS."

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Show Boat

I actually didn't care much for this movie in the beginning, especially because people kept taking down about "one-man women" and loyalty in marriage. It seemed as though the movie would be emphasizing divorce as a good thing. I was very happy with the movie by the end, even though the ending itself it was predictable.

If you click on the title of this post, it'll take you directly to the part of the article that references this particular movie. However, if you scroll around in it, it'll show you other versions of the film, which I never knew existed. That's no surprise, considering this was my first time to see this movie...

I'd recommend it. It's a great classic. Especially when you see baby Kim. Looks just like Lizzie. {insert evil laugh here}

Anger Management

This movie was funny in parts. I kinda saw the ending coming, but there was a lot of doubt in my mind. It's not one of the cleanest movies ever, but it's amusing. The acting, the direction, etc. all helped make this the great movie that it is. I can't complain much about it. It's fun.

Monday, March 05, 2007

The weekend

This weekend, Dr. P. recorded a few tracks for a new choir CD. This was also the beginning of spring break for the students.

On Friday, after work, I drove down to Front Royal for choir practice. It seemed to go really smoothly -- there were a couple intonation problems, but overall, it was nice. After this, Paul E., Michael C., Emma and Sarah F., and Lizzie B. went to Sarah H.'s house, where we watched Star Wars, Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi. I fell asleep about 30 minutes into it, but it wasn't any big deal for me -- I've only seen it more times than I can count. Plus, I really needed a nap anyway. After that, I drove Michael back to Christendom, and crashed on the couch in his room.

The next morning, I went to Mass on campus, and then assisted Dr. P. by moving the music from the crypt to the choir loft. Practice lasted from about 9:00 AM to 11:30 AM, and then we had a break.

During this break, I played poker with Paul, Michael, Jonathan D. and Draper W. I lost all of my money in one game of Three-Five-Seven, but Texas hold 'em also helped clean me out...

After break and lunch, we went back upstairs to record. The sessions seemed to go well. I had a problem with Meditabor by Franz Xaver Witt in that I kept pulling flat on the introduction. I think I got it once, but for some reason, I kept pulling flat. It could have been that my voice was just getting tired, but I think I'll just say that it's because I'm getting sloppy, and I need to work on keeping in tune. Why? Because the latter gives me a reason to work harder.

Of course, in retrospect, I should have backed off a little bit. Jonathan was nailing it every time.

As for the rest of the pieces, I don't remember anything horrible in the rest of them, but it could be because I was concentrating too hard on my own part to notice anything wrong anyplace else.

After the choir recording, the schola had its turn. By this point, all of our voices were getting rather tired, so we all had to work to get everything to sound good. My voice cracked several times, and I felt myself pulling flat. I tried my hardest to stay on key -- easier said than done, but I think we managed to pull it off well. When the schola finished up, Emma and Lizzie had a recording session, and then we all went out to dinner at Dean's Steak House.

Dinner was fun. Ken and I got to talking technology-in-work (SQL, salesforce, and all that stuff), but it didn't last all that long, and we got back to normal conversations with everyone else at the table. We discussed books, took a couple pictures and even sang a couple songs at the request of one of the waitresses.

Following that, I drove Michael, Sylvia S., and Lizzie out to JoS. A. Bank in Winchester, because they were having a sale. It turned out that it was an internet only sale, but we got Michael sized up for a suit, and that's what counts...

After spending the night on Michael's couch again, I got up early on Sunday morning, and drove Jen P. to Dulles airport. After that, Paul and I went to Old St. Mary's for Mass, then I drove him to his house in PA. I visited with his family for the day -- I even got some exercise. John, Paul and I went out for a bike ride, biking down some relatively easy trails which were made harder by the presence of mud and ice.

After we got back, I played Texas hold 'em and Anaconda -- I didn't do as badly this time -- I didn't lose all my money.

After this, we had dinner, and I left the house about 9:00 PM, and drove back to the apartment. On the way back, I called Mommy, and after getting cut off about four times, we had basically gotten caught up on life again. :)

Friday, March 02, 2007

Amadeus

Oh. My. Gosh. I don't know what to say about this movie except that it is excellent. Watch this movie. It was positively moving. The way that this movie takes Mozart's life and presents it is astounding. Whether all the bits are fact, fiction, or a combination of fact and artistic interpretation (which I'm sure it is, to an extent), it doesn't really matter. It was incredible.

I found the actress who played his wife to be mildly annoying. There was nothing wrong with the way that she acted -- at least I hope. I chalk it up to her doing a fine job of acting, and the script being written that way.

I actually watched the director's cut, and there was nothing too terribly wrong with it. There is one scene, where the protagonist of the film, Salieri, has made his demands as to how Mozart can get a particularly high-falootin' position in the emperor's court, as musical trainer to the emperor's niece. Mozart is in desperate need of the money, but he won't show his work, because he is too proud to have his work critiqued. He is of the attitude that he knows it's the best (and he is quite accurate in thinking so), and everyone else does, too -- what is the need to show his work? This pride causes him to not get the job. His wife comes, unbeknownst by Mozart, to the court, to show his work to get him the job. Salieri is reduced almost to tears simply by looking at the original work, and is so moved that he is inclined to give Mozart the position, but his jealousy gets in the way, and he tells Mrs. Mozart that her husband cannot have the position without "service" from her. We all know what is implied, and she is told to come back alone that night. Of course she protests, but when she sees that there is no other way, she does so. She shows up that night, and, without being told to, begins to remove her clothing. All the while, I was internally shouting at Salieri, "Make her stop!" He didn't, sadly.

Aside from that, there is a lot of language, which I found quite surprising, and 95% of it is from Mozart himself.

In any case, don't watch it with kids -- they'll be terrified of the opening -- and that reminds me, there are fully naked men in the opening. The opening is in an asylum. It's excusable in context, considering that there is nothing sexual about it. These men are completely insane.

So, aside from that, there is nothing too terribly wrong with it. But still, don't let the kids see it. They won't understand most of it, and what they see might actually scare them. I mean, I'll have nightmares... ;)