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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Musings at home

Dad is amazingly well. On Tuesday, he had as much life in him as he did back when I was at home for Christmas. I was really shocked. I expected to see him clinging on to life quite literally for dear life, but such was not the case. He seemed to be well-grounded in it, and did not have any plans to go anywhere. He was up and about, eating almost as much as I do, maintaining his normal attitude.

Gotta love that fighting spirit. :)

In spite of all the good news, I always remember that his time is limited, perhaps extremely so. There are good and bad days. I'm sure that Tuesday was just a really good day for him.

All of a sudden, the words "Good-bye" and "I love you" carry a whole lot more weight then they ever did. I'm sure you've had this experience before. These words were really heavy when I went to college, but now they are more so. They carry so much weight now, much more than ever.

The thought that tomorrow I might wake up but Dad may not makes me want to say them more often.

Before I went to college, Dad and I rarely had any real discussions. Usually, I just couldn't wait for him to get done talking so I could leave. Sounds cruel, no? Not anymore. The thought that I may never talk to him again, that this conversation here and now could be our last strikes fear into any heart. The last thing I want to do is to have a final conversation between Dad and me end in grief. I'd be stuck with that forever. The only thing I want to do now is re-live life and correct all of my mistakes towards my Dad when I was growing up. I'm sure I'd be a much better person if I could do so.

Sadly, we are all only given one chance at this life. No one gets a second chance. When you die, that's it. It's heaven/purgatory or hell. Making the last conversation you'll ever had with a person end on a bad note is not the way to go at all.

I'm not saying that you need to go blubbering back to every person you know now, recalling and apologizing for each and every time that you've ever crossed swords. That would most likely open more wounds than repair them. However, you do need to make darn sure to never end a conversation on a bad note.

As Our Lord said, "If you are bringing your gift to the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift at the altar, and go first to be reconciled with your brother." These words carry a meaning with them that goes far deeper than just, "Don't go to Mass unless you're clean with everyone." Your entire life should be an offering to God. Don't offer your life to God if you have unfinished business with your brother. It shows your brother no respect, and God will make you pay all your dues to the last farthing, not just the last penny.

Anyway, my ramblings here are starting to lose focus, so I should probably stop while I'm ahead. I hope I haven't bored you...
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